Did you know that Gods of Death like Apples?
by Inuyoshie
Summary: Kanba, Shouma and Himari find themselves trapped in a strange world surrounded by strange people who call them strange names- will they make it out in one piece? Will they follow the script set in front of them or make their own fates? Read and enjoy!


Did you know that Gods of Death like Apples?

A Mawaru Penguindrum x Bleach crossover

By Inuyoshie

Disclaimer: I do not own either Mawaru Penguindrum or Bleach; they belong to Brain's Base and Tite Kubo respectively.

Chapter One

Kanba Takakura went to bed that night worried.

He was worried about Himari mostly. Her illness was being kept at bay by the combined forces of that (creepy) hat and that (shady) doctor Sanetoshi. But with the medicine came the cost, and with the cost came the things Kanba was doing to keep Himari alive, to keep a house over their head, to keep his idiot brother Shoma an idiot for just a little while longer until…

Honestly, Kanba didn't know when it would end. Probably with someone dying. It wasn't a pleasant thought. Irritated, Kanba turned over and tried to go to sleep. Weirdly enough, it worked.

He woke up the next morning and rolled off of his futon. Or tried, at least. He fell a good foot and a half and landed on his head on a hard, wooden floor.

Confused, Kanba looked around. He wasn't in his room. This room was bigger, and had nicer things. It had a desk, a lamp, and western style bed which he had fallen out of. The room had several doors in it, which confused Kanba. What door led outside?

One of the doors shuddered and opened to reveal a petite young woman with raven hair and wide blue eyes, a shade bluer than Himari's.

"Ichigo you dumbass, you startled me!" she snapped. Kanba blinked.

"Ichi…go?" he repeated, confused. He then realized the door the woman had come out of was a closet. A damn enormous closet.

Why was there a girl in his closet? Why was there a closet in his room? Kanba stumbled to his feet and barreled through another door which leads to a small bathroom. He stared at his reflection in the mirror in a state of shock and horror.

His face was pointier, his skin darker and his hair a startling shock of orange.

"What the hell?" Kanba muttered, feeling his face. This had to be some weird dream…

"Kyuu."

That one noise made Kanba freeze. Sure enough, Penguin #1 was standing on the toilet, a dirty magazine in his hands. #1 stared at Kanba with beady black eyes.

"This isn't a dream, is it?" Kanba asked. The black haired girl stuck her head into the bathroom and surveyed Kanba shrewdly.

"Ichigo is something going on up there?" she asked, pointing to Kanba's forehead. Kanba scowled. He was tempted to tell this chick he wasn't Ichigo, but then he'd sound crazy or something and be put in an asylum and-

"Where did this cute penguin come from?" the girl squealed, running over to #1. Kanba froze.

"You can see him?" he asked.

"Well duh," the girl replied, hugging #1. He 'kyuu'ed happily. "So where's it from?"

"Um…" Kanba thought quickly. "No idea. Just showed up last night. Possibly escaped from the local aquarium?"

"There isn't an aquarium in Karakura town," the girl pointed out.

"Maybe it's a pet," Kanba replied. Karakura town? He'd never heard of such a place in Japan, but they were speaking in Japanese.

"No, it doesn't look like an actual penguin, but like a stuffed toy. Maybe it's another modsoul?" the girl mused.

"Maybe," Kanba shrugged. He had no clue as to what this girl was talking about. She stared seriously at him.

"Maybe we should take this to Urahara," she suggested.

"Alright," Kanba agreed as naturally as he could. The girl eyed him again and then put #1 down carefully, leaving the room. Kanba stared at #1.

"How the hell did we get into this?" he demanded. #1 just stared. "Some help you are. How are we supposed to get this Penguindrum if we're all… messed up? Is Himari gonna die because of this?" Kanba felt his throat close up at the thought of Himari being in some strange place full of strange people and all alone.

"Kyuu." #1 said sagely.

/-

Shouma got up early. His room was weird looking- dark and fancy with lots of cloth and clothes all about. Being half asleep, Shouma didn't really register that. He had this dream see… he was going to make Himari fried rice with some pork he had seasoned overnight to be juicy and flavorful and then he was going to make those eggs she liked and maybe some miso soup…

So Shouma stumbled out of his room. The hallways looked weird (and dark) but he finally made it to the kitchen. For some reason it was sparkling clean and filled with really fancy electronics. Being out of it, Shouma got excited that he could use state-of-the-art technology to make Himari the best fried rice she'd ever had. Part of him also thought he was dreaming, so the weirdness all made sense to him. Considering what his waking life was like, waking up in a fancy shiny house with fancy shiny equipment for cooking made more sense than their sister being possessed by an extraterrestrial being and having penguins follow them around.

And so, Shouma began cooking. He fried eggs and rice professionally, adding seasonings and oil as needed. The bright smell of cooking food filled the room and spilled out into the halls. Someone stepped into the kitchen and turned on a light. Shouma figured it was Kanba and turned to be greeted by a tall, severe looking man with white hair and rectangular glasses.

"Uryuu, what are you doing?" he asked severely. Shouma stared. "Why are you cooking without your glasses?

"Wh-what do you mean?" Shouma asked, startled. Come to think of it, his eyesight was really blurry. "Um… can you watch the eggs while I get them?"

The man nodded and Shouma ran off, his head spinning. What the hell was going on? He passed a mirror and was met by a confused, pointed face with straight navy hair and similarly coloured eyes instead of his usual emerald ones.

"This is crazy," he muttered, stumbling about in the room he woke up in, looking for some glasses. Once he found them, he took in all the sights he had missed in his half-asleep daze.

He was definitely not home.

Shouma began to panic. What about Himari? Was she okay? Where was she? Does she have her hat? What about Ringo and her diary and the Penguindrum?

"Uryuu? When did you learn how to cook this well?" the strange white haired man remarked from the kitchen.

"I watched TV," Shouma replied, walking quickly over to the kitchen. The food Shouma had lovingly prepared for Himari was on a plate in front of this silver-haired man, who was eating it sternly. He was one of those fellows that did everything sternly, from talking to breathing to sleeping.

"Kyuu." Shouma heard the sound of his penguin, #2 wandering around. Unfortunately, the white haired man lifted his head at the sound.

"What the hell is that?" he asked, pointing to the poor penguin, wandering around hopelessly with a can of bug-spray. Shouma suspected that #2 wouldn't find much infested in this house.

"Um… A penguin?" Shouma replied. The white haired man gave him a blank stare.

"I don't care, as long as it's out of the house by the time I'm back from work." He said standing and leaving a messy (but empty) plate. "The food was good, as good as your mother's was."

Shouma stared after the man, wondering if he was this Uryuu guy's dad. If so…

He was a damn jerk.

Worried, Shouma glanced at #2. How was he going to get rid of #2? The penguin followed him everywhere! #2 offered no consolations. Shouma sighed and carried the dirty dishes into the kitchen, setting them on a counter to be dealt with later. He'd also deal with the penguin problem later. Now, it was vital to find Kanba, or Himari, or anyone…

/-

Himari woke up on a couch.

That was silly; she didn't fall asleep on a couch.

Did she sleepwalk? Dr. Sanetoshi didn't mention anything about her sleepwalking when he gave her that medicine…

There weren't any blankets either… Himari was sort of cold.

She lifted her head and sighed. Her neck hurt. Himari stood and stretched, looking down.

The first things she saw were breasts. The large intrusions on her line of vision caused the girl to yelp loudly and jump, landing on her bum with a smack.

The ground was hard, cold and white. In fact, everything was white. The only light that came in was the light of a moon hanging in a night sky outside. This was odd, because Himari's internal clock told her it was morning.

From a smooth white wall came a door, which opened to reveal a tall man with white skin in a white outfit. He had huge green eyes, darker than Kanba's or Shouma's, and this man's eyes had dark lines trailing down from them, like tears.

"Are you injured woman?" the fellow asked in a flat, formal tone. Himari stood and shook her head.

"Nope, I'm fine!" she told him cheerily. He stared at her.

"Very well." He said, leaving. Himari frowned. She'd hoped he'd tell her where she was (or why her body was so mature… why she wasn't wearing the same clothes she usually wore…) but she'd have to wait for him to come back. He would come back eventually, right?

Threesie peered at Himari from behind a couch. Overjoyed, Himari ran over to Threesie and hugged her, eliciting a surprised 'Kyuu' from the penguin.

"Threesie, do you know where Kanba and Shouma are?" she asked. Threesie 'kyuu'ed negatively. Himari sighed. "Drat. I was hoping they'd be here, because I'm really confused."

"Kyuu," Threesie said comfortingly. Himari nodded.

"That's right, I've got to keep my chin up!" she announced, looking around her boring room. While she was looking, Threesie waddled over to the couch Himari had been sleeping on and pulled a penguin-shaped hat from underneath the couch, 'kyuu'ing softly. The hat's pink beaded eyes glimmered.

The wheel of fate turned.

/-

Inuyoshie's after the chapter special

Yep. So I'm gone for like… ages and then I come back with this lovely little gem.

So I'm obsessed with Mawaru Penguindrum. For those of you, who haven't watched it, go watch it. No lie, it is freaking weird and awesome and it has penguins in it! No really. Penguins. And apples. Hence the title.

So. The three main characters of Penguindrum wake up in Bleach bodies. What horrible things can I do to them? *cackles* They won't be alone, other characters will come in later, and it's just a matter of them all meeting up… but for now, I leave you with rhetorical questions.

What's Shouma gonna do about #2? Will Rukia figure out that Kanba is way too cool to actually be Ichigo? What about Urahara? That dude has some major brains, at least according to Aizen. And what about Aizen, how's he going to react to Himari prancing about with a penguin hat on? And what if Himari's illness strikes again? And what about the Penguindrum? Or Ringo?

Lulz. I'll let y'all chew on that stuff.

I am also amused by Himari's surprise at her breasts.

Review please?

Spell check hates me.


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